Some may see the words beauty and polygyny together in the same sentence and think this is an oxymoron, but I disagree. I'm going to attempt to explain the wisdom and benefits behind polygyny. Of course there are always exceptions to the rule, but there are enough examples and stories of the negative aspects. I'm just sticking with the positive. (Just a quick reminder... polygyny isn't something new that Islam started. Many people in the Bible practiced it such as Solomon, David, even Abraham, as well as many others.)
First of all, as I've explained in previous posts, women in Islam are to be valued and cherished above all others. Narrated by Abu Hurayrah: The Prophet, pbuh, said: ‘Among the Muslims the most perfect, as regards his faith, is the one whose character is excellent, and the best among you are those who treat their wives well.’ Al-Tirmidhi Hadith 628 Women have rights over the men in their family which is to have shelter, food, clothing, and protection, as well as to be respected and treated kindly and fairly. This is the duty of her father, brother, uncles, grandfathers and then once she is married, her husband. This needs to be understood very well before going on to the topic of co-wives.
Allah revealed in the Quran the approval to marry up to four women at one time. However, He made it very clear that if it's not possible to provide for them fairly and justly, then only one is permissible. "If you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, marry women of your choice, two or three or four; but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly with them, then only one." Quran 4:3 There are many reasons and benefits to this. Here are just a few.
The obvious is in times of war when the women population is much greater than the men. Let's use a very popular location for example... Iraq or Syria. Think of all the men who have been killed. What is to happen to their wives? They have children to raise. Also, what is to happen to the young, unmarried women? Many young men have died leaving a major void in their communities. Any men that survived would benefit their society by taking another wife. The situation is becoming widespread as many countries are going through revolutions and the men are being killed. By marrying another wife, he takes responsibility to care and provide for those who would otherwise be unable to marry.
A lot of people at this point say, 'Why can't the women just get jobs?' This is predominately a western way of thinking. To many societies, women DO NOT work. This just isn't even an option for them. A 10 year old son would be considered more likely and obligated to become the provider for the family than the mother. This then creates a whole new set of issues. The boy places importance to earn money over an education. Poverty can also become a problem because the sole provider for the household is no longer there. Polygyny can help protect a community from a decline in educational and increase in poverty.
The need for polygyny isn't just in cases of war or civil unrest. Look at the western societies where homosexuality is becoming more prevalent. This, along with men who are in jail, and men who aren't willing to take the responsibility of settling down to marriage, makes the population of women higher then men. It's in a woman's nature to want to be cared for financially, physically and emotionally. Polygyny takes away the girlfriends, mistresses, and illegitimate children, and replaces it with a home consisting of two parents, and a present father, and a man who isn't sneaking around. The alternative for the woman is what? Staying celibate? Becoming a girlfriend or mistress? Or even worse, practicing homosexuality?
In Islam there is something called athar which is to want for someone something you love for yourself. For example, if you have a necklace, book, or dress that you love, and your friend sees it and loves it too, you give it to her because you want for her what you want for yourself. Not that a husband is an object to be shared... but of course when you are sincere and love your fellow sisters, you want the best for them in this life. If Allah has blessed you with a righteous husband, and he has the means to provide for more than one household, why not encourage him to marry and benefit another woman? It's like saying 'Yes, of course I wish you the best husband, and the best home life... just not with my husband.' To me, there's nothing more beautiful than accepting a co-wife for the sake of Allah.
There are regulations to having a co-wife. The man must provide for each, and fairly. He can't have one wife in a mansion while the other is living in the slums. Also, it's only acceptable to marry more than one women when it's for the sake of Allah, to help her, to benefit her, and not for personal benefit. It's a popular misconception that men with co-wives do it for purely physical reasons. Think about it; he is taking on a whole other household. Adding more responsibility, more bills, more in-laws, more children, etc. If anything, it's more of a benefit for the woman than the man.
Not everyone is capable of having a co-wife, or being a co-wife. Allah is the creator of each of us, and He is All-Knowing. In His wisdom He made it lawful for men to have more than one wife. Although we may not understand, we must be very careful not to question Allah's will. Instead, we should be striving to be more obedient and subservient to Him, and to gain more knowledge.
Please take 7 minutes to watch this link about polygyny. Also, if you have any questions please email askwomen99@yahoo.com
